Death.

My dad says it doesn't have to happen. that there should be away to fix things so that people stay around longer... I've never heard him speak so selfishly in my life, but I guess if my mother died i'd say the same thing. My grandmother passed away last night, around 7pm. i was walking to the front door of my house right as i got the phone call to come home as soon as possible... I wanted to go in and see her one last time before she passed but i was too late... it hurts, i cried all day at work yesterday, and all night last night. I honestly didn't think it would be this bad... 101 years old, she's really lived a full life. I'm thankful I at least got to be part of it. I know she loved me, a lot. I am thankful, but it still hurts like FUCK.

no more

no more of these games... i just want someone to settle down with... maybe not now but in the near future... if jasmine doesn't just fucking leave me alone.... i swear... i told her off last night and i won't refrain from doing it again.. you DO NOT walk in and out of my life.... Alphonse's revenge is a dish best served scorching hot

weekend blog post...

So i've been slacking already and I just made this damn thing.. go figure... well, this weekend has been truly amazing so far.... friday, probably one of the best nights of my life... Lupe Fiasco concert with Flexi. I had a freaking blast... then i drove to College Park for Conor's birthday, where Danielle and I unearthed some secrets between two of our friends... epic detective skills, even while we're drunk lol. Great night

Saturday, i went on THE WORST DATE OF MY LIFE.... actually second worst... I wont get into the worst.... So i meet this chick named Nadiyah at American Eagle in columbia over the summer, got her number and finally decided to hang out with her... don't get me wrong, she's cute...-ish.... she had the potential to be cuter.. she had her hair up, no make up, a really really thick hoodie, crappy looking jeans... i mean like work jeans, levi's lmao... and some dirty cross trainer shoes... WHO DRESSES LIKE THAT ON A FIRST DATE.... thats not the worst part... she walked like a guy.. i thought i could passed the wardrobe until I realized..... I couldn't get past that walk... I DON'T EVEN WALK THAT MANLY.... i've been a guy for 21 years! wtf... and of course when i drop her home she's talking about marriage and all that shit... of course i'm not interested... but for the sake of blog posts lets say i did marry her, would she show up to the alter in a fucking tux? wtf.........

anyway, she lives dramatically close to the Dixon house, i needed to vent, I called mom and next thing I know i'm embarrassing myself on the damn baseball diamond with Sarah and Kayla is getting yelled at... lmao... I spent "quality" brother-sister time with Sarah, I introduced her to different electronic genres such as house music, dubstep, hardstyle, trance, and even drum n bass, i wanted to see if she'd dance or at least knod her head or fist pump to the beat hahah. i think her brain works too hard at trying to listen to the music that she didn't "feel" the music.. so i just turned on dragon ball z and let her watch that lmao...

I never made it to the club... but its ok, i bought a bottle of Kiwi Strawberry Pinnacle and a bottle of Caprisun... oh i mean Moscato and sipped that for the night while watching college football... and dave chappelle...

now its sunday which means ravens game day.... breakfast with Kathleen, ravens game at Andre's house? then Lion King in 3D with Michelle... should be a great day

A new beginning

With this blog i'm starting a new, more mature, chapter in my life. I noticed today that i'm not sure about a lot of things in my future... or should I say not a lot of my future is a sure thing... 

I sat down with two of my closest coworkers today, Katie and Amanda and we discussed a lot of different things a young adult needs to take care of. I got a lot of insight, they are always willing to help, telling me its "too early to have a mid-life crisis." 

They helped me with my money, having me open a new savings account strictly for the apartment move. Offered to lend a hand with moving when the time comes and even offered throwing me a housewarming party. 

As much as I know there are people who are watching me grow, whether they are my real blood or pseudo family, I still feel as if I'm alone. 

I'm not sure what it is... its not because i'm single... I am technically single but i'm in the type of relationship Flexi that i want to be in right now... (At least in my mind) I don't want to answer to her, or any woman right now. Future of course... but now, no. she's my closest friend, probably closer than any wife I have will be... Enough about her

I feel alone still, i'm not sure why, haha, i thought typing all this would give me the answer.. I just don't fit in. I'm not special. I've yet to find my natural talent. I'm trying to find it, maybe then will I gain some confidence and maybe even be proud of myself. 

Post Script.. i feel like i just completely wasted you're time for reading this... hahah, sorry, whoever you are... Also.. you just lost the game.